Chapter Twenty-Three, America
“They played your song at Silks today,” I tell Dove when I return from an early aerial class to find her curled up on the couch with a strong cup of tea. “It slaps. It’s so freaking awesome.”
I bop around to the tune that’s still stuck in my head as I dunk a tea bag in my cup. Add a dash of almond milk and a swirl of sugar. Make it good and strong before I discard the bag and join her.
I have a meeting a little later this morning with the counselor at the university that I don’t want to think about. At least not until I have to. Gray was going to come with me in case I had to deal with Alfie. He won’t be doing that anymore.
He won’t be in my life anymore.
God, that’s a desolate thought. A pang grows in my chest, and I push away the negative thoughts that plagued me all night and sent me running to do a workout that would take all my focus.
I can’t let them creep in or I’ll break down again. Everett deserves more than that. I promised him I’d give him the chance to make me forget Gray. I have to do my best to put him out of my head. And my heart.
“How are you doing?” I sit down across from Dove. She seems lost in her thoughts and the cup of tea she’s cradling. She hasn’t said anything about what happened between her and her asshole manager.
Not that we’ve had a chance to talk. Yesterday was a complete wash. By the time I’d made up with Everett and told Gray to stay away, she’d been practically comatose. She was still sleeping when I left this morning to take a class. I’d hoped it would take my mind off the look on Gray’s face when he saw me kissing Everett.
The emotion I saw there. It still makes me lose my breath. “Dove?”
“Sorry?” She startles and lifts her thumb to her lips, biting on the side of it. The shadows under her eyes are too dark. They don’t just look like exhaustion. They look unhealthy. Like she’s been on a bender.
She tugs on the arm of her comfort sweater and I notice that several of her fingernails are broken. She only breaks out that sweater when she’s sad. “Did you have to fight him off? Did he…”
“Oh.” She glances at her hands and shakes her head, curling her fingers into her palm. “That’s not… it’s not what it looks like.”
“Then what happened?”
“He worked it out,” she says with a shrug.
“Worked out what?”
“What happened in Positano.” Her mouth contorts while she blinks rapidly. Her eyes shine a little too brightly as she unfolds from the couch.
“He left you stranded in the middle of nowhere because you had a one-night stand? Do you understand how nuts that sounds? He’s not your husband. He’s your manager. And even if you were in love with him I would still be seriously concerned about how he treats you.”
“It doesn’t matter. The album is almost done. I’ll be able to take some time off soon.” She walks away.
“The album has been almost done for months now. He’s dragging it out, making you redo tracks.” I follow her to her room where she throws herself down face-first on the mattress. “You shouldn’t have to take time off from him treating you the way he does. He’s not a good manager. He’s an asshole.”
“Just stop it.” She starts to cry. “You don’t know anything about it. You don’t know anything about anything.”
“I know you deserve better,” I say bitterly. “Whatever he has over you that you’re willing to let him keep treating you like this… it’s not worth it.”
“Just go deal with your own mess,” she snaps. “Fucking around with every man who crosses your path. You don’t think you have your own unhealthy behaviors? Falling in love with the guy your best friend was in love with. I bet you only want him now because she had him first.”
If only it was that easy. If it was just about Indy wanting Gray, I’d have been over him after Positano. Not hoping that one day these feelings I have for the man I saw as hero and friend will fade. “I’m going to go. I have a meeting with the counselor at school to get ready for.”
“Say hi to your professor for me,” her reply is muffled, buried in her pillow.
I speed walk into the bathroom and shut the door before I collapse against it. Shutting my eyes, I focus on taking calming breaths. She was the first person I told about Alfie. She’s been with me when men say hideous things about my body. She always came back with a kind word, or a string of wit tacked together with naughty words.
Tears sting my eyes. Despite that, I know she’s protecting herself. The things she spewed at me just now… that hit so close to home… had to be because I was hitting a nerve too.
I start the shower and strip out of my workout gear before climbing under the spray. Letting my emotions overflow, I watch them swirl down the drain.
My phone lights up with a message as I shut off the water and climb out. Wrapping a towel around me, I scoop up the device.
Everett: Good morning, Lucky Charm. How’s my girl doing?
God, I don’t deserve his sweetness. Or his forgiveness. I failed to appreciate him before. I won’t make the same mistake again.
America: I’ve been better. Dove and I had a fight.
Everett: Surely, it will blow over.
America: I hope so.
Everett: I think I have something that will make you feel better.
He sends me a picture of him in his practice uniform as I head to the bedroom for clothes. The field and his teammates are in the background.
America: You’re right. That does make me feel better.
Everett: Now you send me one.
America: I’m in a towel.
Everett: Do you really think I’m going to hate that?
He’d probably love that. I bite my lip as I consider it. My eyes land on the sweater he left here. The one with his number on it. I drop the towel and drag the sweater over my head. Grab a pair of cheeky panties and shimmy into them too. Then take a photo of my ass and his number on my back. I hold my breath as I hit send.
Everett: Cheeky. So hot!
Everett: I have to get back to training. Catch up after?
America: I’m all yours.
Everett: That’s what I like to hear.
He has a full day with the team, otherwise I would have asked him to come with me to the university. But that’s okay. I can handle it alone. Alfie might not even be there. And if he is… I’ll avoid him.
I pull on pants and then reach for the hem of the sweater before changing my mind. I have to do this alone, but Everett’s sweater feels like I’m encircled by his arms. I feel safer in it as I grab my purse and leave.
I lock up before I notice Gray waiting for me outside the garden gate. He’s leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest. Shades perched on his nose.
I have no doubt he intends to accompany me, like he said he would. The anxiety turning my stomach eases, the desire to rush into his arms is strong. But then I recall that he chose his job over me, and I remember how angry I am at him. My pulse thumps in my head as my blood pressure skyrockets.
I march down the path. “You can’t be here. I told you—”
“I’m taking you to unenroll. I told you I would.” He straightens and takes his shades off. Standing over me, determination is written all over his face. “You can hate me. Or be angry with me. You can tell me not to call on you. I’ll abide by it. I won’t come by again. But I told you I had your back on this. So I’m taking you.”
“I can’t be around you anymore.” I hate that we can’t just be friends, but once the truth fled the confines of secrecy there was no chance we could go back.
“I know that.” He sounds pained. “And I will be gone as soon as I can be. But for now get in the car.”
“Fine.” I lift my chin as I walk around the car. I hate that deep down I am so grateful that he’s here. And that I’ll be so sad when he’s gone.
The drive to school is tense. After this meeting my future will officially be up in the air. I’ll have to tell my parents. I’ll have to work out my next steps. Gray will be gone. Did Everett not sign yesterday? Is that why he’s still here?
We arrive before I’m ready. The anxiety becomes overwhelming. My hands shake as I climb out of the car. My stomach is rolling like a washing machine.
Gray rests his hand against the small of my back as we walk through the buildings. I should pull away, but his touch is steadying to my nerves, and I don’t have the strength. Not when this is the last time he’ll touch me. Not when my heart still wants him as much as it ever did.
“Before we got in the car you said you’ll be gone as soon as you can.” I finally bring up something that bothered me all the way here, in an effort to distract myself from the sense of dread that I might run into Alfie. “Did Everett not sign yesterday?”
“He… was too busy wanting to punch me in the face.” He scowls. “Not that he knows the guy you were with is me.”
“You’re welcome,” I say bitterly.
“But he did say something else that was interesting. That you’re in love with…”
“Alfie.” He’s straight ahead of us.
“Exactly. But we both know you’re not into the professor, so—”
“No.” I grab the front of his shirt and stop him from moving forward. Alfie is talking to a female student in the shadows of the building. Leaning in like he does when he’s showing interest. He reaches out and touches her arm while he smiles at her.
My pulse races. I fight the urge to puke. Is she the next student whose future he makes harder? Possibly ruins?
“America?” Gray grabs me around the waist, tugging me back against his chest before I can lose my shit.
“He’s a bastard.”
“Yes, he is.” Gray’s response is grim.
“I wasn’t a one-off.” I knew it. I just didn’t want to deal with what that meant. “I have to tell someone.”
“We’ll report it.” Gray wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides me forward.
“America?” Alfie looks up as we pass him. His eyes widen and he flinches when he sees Gray. His lip still has the split in it from Gray’s fist.
What did he end up telling his wife? I turn to the girl. “Don’t believe a word he says. He’ll ruin your life.”
She gasps and narrows her gaze on him.
We walk away while he tries to soothe her ruffled feathers. Hopefully she’s smarter than I was.
Either way I’ll make sure that everyone knows what I didn’t about Alfie.
I bop around to the tune that’s still stuck in my head as I dunk a tea bag in my cup. Add a dash of almond milk and a swirl of sugar. Make it good and strong before I discard the bag and join her.
I have a meeting a little later this morning with the counselor at the university that I don’t want to think about. At least not until I have to. Gray was going to come with me in case I had to deal with Alfie. He won’t be doing that anymore.
He won’t be in my life anymore.
God, that’s a desolate thought. A pang grows in my chest, and I push away the negative thoughts that plagued me all night and sent me running to do a workout that would take all my focus.
I can’t let them creep in or I’ll break down again. Everett deserves more than that. I promised him I’d give him the chance to make me forget Gray. I have to do my best to put him out of my head. And my heart.
“How are you doing?” I sit down across from Dove. She seems lost in her thoughts and the cup of tea she’s cradling. She hasn’t said anything about what happened between her and her asshole manager.
Not that we’ve had a chance to talk. Yesterday was a complete wash. By the time I’d made up with Everett and told Gray to stay away, she’d been practically comatose. She was still sleeping when I left this morning to take a class. I’d hoped it would take my mind off the look on Gray’s face when he saw me kissing Everett.
The emotion I saw there. It still makes me lose my breath. “Dove?”
“Sorry?” She startles and lifts her thumb to her lips, biting on the side of it. The shadows under her eyes are too dark. They don’t just look like exhaustion. They look unhealthy. Like she’s been on a bender.
She tugs on the arm of her comfort sweater and I notice that several of her fingernails are broken. She only breaks out that sweater when she’s sad. “Did you have to fight him off? Did he…”
“Oh.” She glances at her hands and shakes her head, curling her fingers into her palm. “That’s not… it’s not what it looks like.”
“Then what happened?”
“He worked it out,” she says with a shrug.
“Worked out what?”
“What happened in Positano.” Her mouth contorts while she blinks rapidly. Her eyes shine a little too brightly as she unfolds from the couch.
“He left you stranded in the middle of nowhere because you had a one-night stand? Do you understand how nuts that sounds? He’s not your husband. He’s your manager. And even if you were in love with him I would still be seriously concerned about how he treats you.”
“It doesn’t matter. The album is almost done. I’ll be able to take some time off soon.” She walks away.
“The album has been almost done for months now. He’s dragging it out, making you redo tracks.” I follow her to her room where she throws herself down face-first on the mattress. “You shouldn’t have to take time off from him treating you the way he does. He’s not a good manager. He’s an asshole.”
“Just stop it.” She starts to cry. “You don’t know anything about it. You don’t know anything about anything.”
“I know you deserve better,” I say bitterly. “Whatever he has over you that you’re willing to let him keep treating you like this… it’s not worth it.”
“Just go deal with your own mess,” she snaps. “Fucking around with every man who crosses your path. You don’t think you have your own unhealthy behaviors? Falling in love with the guy your best friend was in love with. I bet you only want him now because she had him first.”
If only it was that easy. If it was just about Indy wanting Gray, I’d have been over him after Positano. Not hoping that one day these feelings I have for the man I saw as hero and friend will fade. “I’m going to go. I have a meeting with the counselor at school to get ready for.”
“Say hi to your professor for me,” her reply is muffled, buried in her pillow.
I speed walk into the bathroom and shut the door before I collapse against it. Shutting my eyes, I focus on taking calming breaths. She was the first person I told about Alfie. She’s been with me when men say hideous things about my body. She always came back with a kind word, or a string of wit tacked together with naughty words.
Tears sting my eyes. Despite that, I know she’s protecting herself. The things she spewed at me just now… that hit so close to home… had to be because I was hitting a nerve too.
I start the shower and strip out of my workout gear before climbing under the spray. Letting my emotions overflow, I watch them swirl down the drain.
My phone lights up with a message as I shut off the water and climb out. Wrapping a towel around me, I scoop up the device.
Everett: Good morning, Lucky Charm. How’s my girl doing?
God, I don’t deserve his sweetness. Or his forgiveness. I failed to appreciate him before. I won’t make the same mistake again.
America: I’ve been better. Dove and I had a fight.
Everett: Surely, it will blow over.
America: I hope so.
Everett: I think I have something that will make you feel better.
He sends me a picture of him in his practice uniform as I head to the bedroom for clothes. The field and his teammates are in the background.
America: You’re right. That does make me feel better.
Everett: Now you send me one.
America: I’m in a towel.
Everett: Do you really think I’m going to hate that?
He’d probably love that. I bite my lip as I consider it. My eyes land on the sweater he left here. The one with his number on it. I drop the towel and drag the sweater over my head. Grab a pair of cheeky panties and shimmy into them too. Then take a photo of my ass and his number on my back. I hold my breath as I hit send.
Everett: Cheeky. So hot!
Everett: I have to get back to training. Catch up after?
America: I’m all yours.
Everett: That’s what I like to hear.
He has a full day with the team, otherwise I would have asked him to come with me to the university. But that’s okay. I can handle it alone. Alfie might not even be there. And if he is… I’ll avoid him.
I pull on pants and then reach for the hem of the sweater before changing my mind. I have to do this alone, but Everett’s sweater feels like I’m encircled by his arms. I feel safer in it as I grab my purse and leave.
I lock up before I notice Gray waiting for me outside the garden gate. He’s leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest. Shades perched on his nose.
I have no doubt he intends to accompany me, like he said he would. The anxiety turning my stomach eases, the desire to rush into his arms is strong. But then I recall that he chose his job over me, and I remember how angry I am at him. My pulse thumps in my head as my blood pressure skyrockets.
I march down the path. “You can’t be here. I told you—”
“I’m taking you to unenroll. I told you I would.” He straightens and takes his shades off. Standing over me, determination is written all over his face. “You can hate me. Or be angry with me. You can tell me not to call on you. I’ll abide by it. I won’t come by again. But I told you I had your back on this. So I’m taking you.”
“I can’t be around you anymore.” I hate that we can’t just be friends, but once the truth fled the confines of secrecy there was no chance we could go back.
“I know that.” He sounds pained. “And I will be gone as soon as I can be. But for now get in the car.”
“Fine.” I lift my chin as I walk around the car. I hate that deep down I am so grateful that he’s here. And that I’ll be so sad when he’s gone.
The drive to school is tense. After this meeting my future will officially be up in the air. I’ll have to tell my parents. I’ll have to work out my next steps. Gray will be gone. Did Everett not sign yesterday? Is that why he’s still here?
We arrive before I’m ready. The anxiety becomes overwhelming. My hands shake as I climb out of the car. My stomach is rolling like a washing machine.
Gray rests his hand against the small of my back as we walk through the buildings. I should pull away, but his touch is steadying to my nerves, and I don’t have the strength. Not when this is the last time he’ll touch me. Not when my heart still wants him as much as it ever did.
“Before we got in the car you said you’ll be gone as soon as you can.” I finally bring up something that bothered me all the way here, in an effort to distract myself from the sense of dread that I might run into Alfie. “Did Everett not sign yesterday?”
“He… was too busy wanting to punch me in the face.” He scowls. “Not that he knows the guy you were with is me.”
“You’re welcome,” I say bitterly.
“But he did say something else that was interesting. That you’re in love with…”
“Alfie.” He’s straight ahead of us.
“Exactly. But we both know you’re not into the professor, so—”
“No.” I grab the front of his shirt and stop him from moving forward. Alfie is talking to a female student in the shadows of the building. Leaning in like he does when he’s showing interest. He reaches out and touches her arm while he smiles at her.
My pulse races. I fight the urge to puke. Is she the next student whose future he makes harder? Possibly ruins?
“America?” Gray grabs me around the waist, tugging me back against his chest before I can lose my shit.
“He’s a bastard.”
“Yes, he is.” Gray’s response is grim.
“I wasn’t a one-off.” I knew it. I just didn’t want to deal with what that meant. “I have to tell someone.”
“We’ll report it.” Gray wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides me forward.
“America?” Alfie looks up as we pass him. His eyes widen and he flinches when he sees Gray. His lip still has the split in it from Gray’s fist.
What did he end up telling his wife? I turn to the girl. “Don’t believe a word he says. He’ll ruin your life.”
She gasps and narrows her gaze on him.
We walk away while he tries to soothe her ruffled feathers. Hopefully she’s smarter than I was.
Either way I’ll make sure that everyone knows what I didn’t about Alfie.