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Those Heartbreak Scars
Chapter Four - America
“I should go.” I drop my burning palm from his jaw and massage the branded spot with my thumb. I’ve made so many mistakes this year I’ve fulfilled my quota. If EJ and Dove weren’t singing their orgasmic opera in our Airbnb, I’d hurry on back to the villa. “To bed.”
“Just one.” He stares at my mouth like he’s never noticed it before, then he focuses on my eyes. “It’s been such a nice night. I’m not ready for it to end. My thoughts are not… they’re not fun. When I’m alone.”
I can’t seem to make myself walk away. We haven’t caught up in ages. Who knows when there will be a next time. And I hate to see him in pain. It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep while he’s on the balcony drinking anyway.
I lift a hand and extend one finger. “You’ve talked me into it.”
“Great.” His smile widens. “What will you have?”
“Vodka, please.” I follow him inside.
I’ve lost count of the cocktails I’ve had tonight. Mine and mine and Dove’s and… then there’s the vodka… but we can’t forget about the pre-drinks.
He pours another tiny bottle of vodka into my glass before handing it to me, his fingers brushing against mine.
The summer heat and the vibe between us have me breaking out in a sweat. “Is the pool still open? I’d love to cool off.”
“There were people in it until two this morning.” He wraps his lips around the rim of his glass and tips some of the liquor into his mouth.
“I think I’ll go in then.”
“In your dress?” His gaze runs over the fabric clinging to my curves. “Do you want to borrow a shirt or something, so you don’t ruin it?”
“Uh.” The idea of wearing his clothes makes my brain stutter. The soft, worn material against my skin. The scent of his skin and his cologne against my nose as I inhale. It would either be heaven or torture. “No, that’s okay. I’m going to take it off and go in my bra and panties.”
He covers a cough with his fist.
“Damn drink has bones.” His voice is raspy as he snags the hotel key.
We take our drinks out to the pool. Set them on a small table between two loungers with lemon print cushions.
I shuck my shoes, wiggling my toes to release the tension from the balls of my feet. Party shoes are fun, but there’s nothing like being barefoot.
Gray takes a seat on the end of one of the loungers as I grab the hem of my dress with both hands and wiggle it up until it won’t go any further. “Shoot.”
“You okay in there?”
“Forgot to unzip,” is my muffled reply. I expected to do this in a much classier way. Shirk the dress and dive under the water in a solitary move. “Probably should have thought this through a little better.”
“Do you need some help?” His voice is much closer.
“Whoa.” I jump, my heart beating faster.
He steadies me with a hand to my bare midriff before I can take too many steps backward and end up in the pool. “Hang on. I’ve got you.”
My tongue puddles with saliva at his assured and strong tone. A girl could fall in love with a guy who tells her things like that.
I recall a specific memory. Gray was twenty. Dressed in his baseball gear, his gym bag in his hand as he comes marching toward me and the boys who are harassing me because I said I didn’t want to date one of them. They’d called me frigid and a tease. I’d developed curves much faster than the other girls, so apparently there was an assumption that I was ready to start dating. They’d backed me up until I’d tripped and landed on my butt in the grass.
He grabbed fourteen-year-old me’s hand and tugged me to my feet, directing me to his car where he made sure that I was okay.
“I’ve got you,” he said before he drove me home and for some reason, I felt like he really did. For an only and adopted child who often felt like she didn’t fit anywhere it was everything.
But Indy’s perfume seeps into my thoughts again. He also had Indy. By the time I was sure I was in love with him, she was too.
By fifteen she’d planned their future together. By eighteen there was no denying that he would fall for her. I never stood a chance. Not when Indy wanted him too.
She was the one he fell for. The one that he loved and wanted to marry. The one he’s still not over.
Even if that wasn’t the case, she’s my best friend. Through thick and thin. Which means nothing can ever happen with Gray and me.
That’s okay though. A teenage girl with a crush that never ends grows up to have hopes and dreams she knows she’ll never experience. I’ve made peace with it.
Still, those words from him put me in a spin as he finally lifts my dress free of my arms. But only because tonight has felt different.
Easy.
Like it would be okay to pretend that there’s a chance for us. Only for tonight. Only in my head. I can imagine he keeps touching me because he wants me. That the way he looks at me as I sit on the edge of the pool and slide in means he wants to kiss me. And not just my palm.
I swipe my damp hands over my face and push the wet strands of my hair back. “Are you coming in?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Would I have asked?”
“Fine. Hang on.” He moves our drinks to the tiled edge and sheds his shoes and shirt, revealing a taut, bronzed torso and wide shoulders. He reaches for his belt, tugging on the leather until the buckle uncouples, and then moves onto the fly.
Stripped down to his boxers he jumps in. His shaggy, blond hair is in his eyes, but he flips it out of the way. “Better?”
“Much.” I splash him teasingly before reaching for my vodka. “Tell me what’s next for you.”
“I don’t know,” he says as we rest against the dimly lit edge of the pool, drinking our drinks. His hand finds my side. His thumb strokes and the muscle under it quakes.
I close my eyes and breathe through the flames he’s ignited. “Gray, I—”
“Rica, I think we should get out of the pool.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve been drinking, and I keep wanting to touch you.”
“And that would be bad.”
“It would be very bad.” He’s closer now. His chest presses against mine. My nipples have turned into little diamonds that I know he can feel through the thin material of my bra. His gaze drops to my cleavage. His tongue glides over his bottom lip. “Wouldn’t it? We’re friends and—”
“We haven’t talked in six months.” Chlorine and Gray smell pretty good on one another. Or that could be the alcohol talking. I mean, if I really wanted, I could say all the drinks we’ve had are responsible for whatever comes next. No one could say that either of us are entirely sober at this point.
No one is here to sober us up either. Dove is with EJ making their own vacation fling mistake. And Indy is married. She’s in love with someone else. She doesn’t want Gray anymore. But I do.
I have for so long. I would keep him forever, but if I can only have one night…
I slip my arms around his neck, mold myself to him. I take the chance I’ve wanted to take for far too long. “You want to touch me, Gray? You want to kiss me? Or maybe you want to fuck me? I could be your dirty little secret and you could be mine. Have you ever thought about it?”
Of course he hasn’t. Because he was Indy’s, and he was true. There was never any looking at anyone else--
His breath hitches.
“I am now.” His eyelids grow heavy over darkened irises.
“You want to check out my nipple piercings?” I tease as my heart beats erratically. Cavolo. Wow. Am I really being this bold? “Tug on them with your teeth?”
“Fuck, Rica.” He crowds me back against the tiled side, pressing his hard body against mine. His hands scrape my hair back from my face and tangle roughly in my braids.
Holy shit. He’s touching me like he wants me. This is really happening.
“One time, Gray.” I search out his mouth, because damn it, I’ve wanted to nibble on that bottom lip since I was fourteen years old. Why shouldn’t I get to experience him one time? Why shouldn’t I be allowed to enjoy the man that I have secretly loved, now that my best friend doesn’t want him anymore? If he wants this too and Indy never finds out…
He deepens the kiss. His tongue slides between my teeth to hungrily taste the soft curves of my mouth while his thumb finds the metal pierced through my nipple and grazes over the sensitive spot.
A flood of heat makes my insides clench, and a moan escapes my throat. It spurs him to tug the cup of my bra down, exposing me to the air and anyone who might stumble upon us. But then his mouth covers my nipple, his tongue flicking the little ring around.
I want to climb him. One hand wrapped around his head to hold his mouth to my breast, I use the other to tug at his boxer briefs and wiggle my hand inside to wrap around his cock.
He groans as I slide my hand up and down his length. The reverberation is lovely against my flesh. “Filthy little Rica. You want cock so bad that you can’t let me enjoy your luscious breasts first? You know I’m going to taste you before I fuck you, right? I want your pussy grinding down on my tongue.”
“Holy shit.” I inhale so hard I almost choke on it as a party no doubt returning from the nightclubs breaks into our private moment.
“Not here.” He fixes my bra and lifts me up on the edge of the pool. He pushes out of the water, offers me his hand. “Come on.”
We leave our empty glasses, bundle up our clothes, and run inside. Stopping to check that the reception desk is unmanned, we race through the foyer while dripping water everywhere.
By the time we get to the room we’re kissing again. Breathless, I cling to him as he opens the door. Somehow between there and the bed, I lose my bra.
He drags my panties off me as I crawl backward onto the mattress. He discards his boxers. Glorious baby Jesus, he looks better than he ever was in my fantasies. Tall and tapered, he still has an athletes body. But it’s the predatory look on his face that claims all my attention as he bows over me. His lips blaze a trail down the center of my abdomen until they land over my clit. His knees hit the floor and he touches it with his tongue and all I want is more.
More of the way he circles and teases. More of his tongue digging into my entrance. He reaches up to play with my nipple ring while he goes down on me, and my clit throbs.
“Gray.” I whimper. I’m getting close to an orgasm. It’s right there. I’m on the edge. He is a sight to behold between my thighs. His pale hair against my brown flesh. The way he watches me as he eats is erotic.
He keeps up the tempo, his tongue on my pussy, bringing my orgasm to its climax and making my inner walls pulse. “Oh God.”
When he stops, he crawls up my body, drags one of my knees up to his hip and enters me.
“Oh yes.” I gasp and cling to him as he rolls his hips, digging in deeper with every stroke.
“Fuck, Rica. You feel so…” He grunts and groans as he pistons his hips.
I’m already so sensitive. Every stroke, every slow grind of his hips feels so good. And the way he shortens my name, making it more affectionate… It’s not long before another orgasm is taking over my nerve endings and tunnelling my vision.
“Christ. Your pussy is so fucking greedy,” Gray whispers. His damp forehead lowers to mine as his own release triggers in the midst of my own. “I’m going to fill you so fucking full, you dirty little flirt.”
I cry out at the heated sensation of his cum filling me right before he collapses on top of me. Shit. We didn’t use a condom. But then I’m on the pill, and it’s Gray so it’ll be fine.
“You…” His lips trail over my neck before he rolls to the side. “You are something else, Rica.”
Oh my God! I just had sex with Gray. My entire body is blissed out. My chest is buoyant and giddy. “That was…”
All of my wishes come true. Well, almost all of them.
He wraps his arm around my neck and pulls the sheet over us before I can ask if one of us should move to another bed. It’s comfortable being hugged up to his side, and the mattress is soft and so inviting. And EJ isn’t back yet, so what’s the harm in a little after-sex snuggling? In pretending that this could be us from here on out.
His breathing smooths out, the warmth of it stirs the little hairs at my nape as my eyelids flutter shut.
“Just one.” He stares at my mouth like he’s never noticed it before, then he focuses on my eyes. “It’s been such a nice night. I’m not ready for it to end. My thoughts are not… they’re not fun. When I’m alone.”
I can’t seem to make myself walk away. We haven’t caught up in ages. Who knows when there will be a next time. And I hate to see him in pain. It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep while he’s on the balcony drinking anyway.
I lift a hand and extend one finger. “You’ve talked me into it.”
“Great.” His smile widens. “What will you have?”
“Vodka, please.” I follow him inside.
I’ve lost count of the cocktails I’ve had tonight. Mine and mine and Dove’s and… then there’s the vodka… but we can’t forget about the pre-drinks.
He pours another tiny bottle of vodka into my glass before handing it to me, his fingers brushing against mine.
The summer heat and the vibe between us have me breaking out in a sweat. “Is the pool still open? I’d love to cool off.”
“There were people in it until two this morning.” He wraps his lips around the rim of his glass and tips some of the liquor into his mouth.
“I think I’ll go in then.”
“In your dress?” His gaze runs over the fabric clinging to my curves. “Do you want to borrow a shirt or something, so you don’t ruin it?”
“Uh.” The idea of wearing his clothes makes my brain stutter. The soft, worn material against my skin. The scent of his skin and his cologne against my nose as I inhale. It would either be heaven or torture. “No, that’s okay. I’m going to take it off and go in my bra and panties.”
He covers a cough with his fist.
“Damn drink has bones.” His voice is raspy as he snags the hotel key.
We take our drinks out to the pool. Set them on a small table between two loungers with lemon print cushions.
I shuck my shoes, wiggling my toes to release the tension from the balls of my feet. Party shoes are fun, but there’s nothing like being barefoot.
Gray takes a seat on the end of one of the loungers as I grab the hem of my dress with both hands and wiggle it up until it won’t go any further. “Shoot.”
“You okay in there?”
“Forgot to unzip,” is my muffled reply. I expected to do this in a much classier way. Shirk the dress and dive under the water in a solitary move. “Probably should have thought this through a little better.”
“Do you need some help?” His voice is much closer.
“Whoa.” I jump, my heart beating faster.
He steadies me with a hand to my bare midriff before I can take too many steps backward and end up in the pool. “Hang on. I’ve got you.”
My tongue puddles with saliva at his assured and strong tone. A girl could fall in love with a guy who tells her things like that.
I recall a specific memory. Gray was twenty. Dressed in his baseball gear, his gym bag in his hand as he comes marching toward me and the boys who are harassing me because I said I didn’t want to date one of them. They’d called me frigid and a tease. I’d developed curves much faster than the other girls, so apparently there was an assumption that I was ready to start dating. They’d backed me up until I’d tripped and landed on my butt in the grass.
He grabbed fourteen-year-old me’s hand and tugged me to my feet, directing me to his car where he made sure that I was okay.
“I’ve got you,” he said before he drove me home and for some reason, I felt like he really did. For an only and adopted child who often felt like she didn’t fit anywhere it was everything.
But Indy’s perfume seeps into my thoughts again. He also had Indy. By the time I was sure I was in love with him, she was too.
By fifteen she’d planned their future together. By eighteen there was no denying that he would fall for her. I never stood a chance. Not when Indy wanted him too.
She was the one he fell for. The one that he loved and wanted to marry. The one he’s still not over.
Even if that wasn’t the case, she’s my best friend. Through thick and thin. Which means nothing can ever happen with Gray and me.
That’s okay though. A teenage girl with a crush that never ends grows up to have hopes and dreams she knows she’ll never experience. I’ve made peace with it.
Still, those words from him put me in a spin as he finally lifts my dress free of my arms. But only because tonight has felt different.
Easy.
Like it would be okay to pretend that there’s a chance for us. Only for tonight. Only in my head. I can imagine he keeps touching me because he wants me. That the way he looks at me as I sit on the edge of the pool and slide in means he wants to kiss me. And not just my palm.
I swipe my damp hands over my face and push the wet strands of my hair back. “Are you coming in?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Would I have asked?”
“Fine. Hang on.” He moves our drinks to the tiled edge and sheds his shoes and shirt, revealing a taut, bronzed torso and wide shoulders. He reaches for his belt, tugging on the leather until the buckle uncouples, and then moves onto the fly.
Stripped down to his boxers he jumps in. His shaggy, blond hair is in his eyes, but he flips it out of the way. “Better?”
“Much.” I splash him teasingly before reaching for my vodka. “Tell me what’s next for you.”
“I don’t know,” he says as we rest against the dimly lit edge of the pool, drinking our drinks. His hand finds my side. His thumb strokes and the muscle under it quakes.
I close my eyes and breathe through the flames he’s ignited. “Gray, I—”
“Rica, I think we should get out of the pool.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve been drinking, and I keep wanting to touch you.”
“And that would be bad.”
“It would be very bad.” He’s closer now. His chest presses against mine. My nipples have turned into little diamonds that I know he can feel through the thin material of my bra. His gaze drops to my cleavage. His tongue glides over his bottom lip. “Wouldn’t it? We’re friends and—”
“We haven’t talked in six months.” Chlorine and Gray smell pretty good on one another. Or that could be the alcohol talking. I mean, if I really wanted, I could say all the drinks we’ve had are responsible for whatever comes next. No one could say that either of us are entirely sober at this point.
No one is here to sober us up either. Dove is with EJ making their own vacation fling mistake. And Indy is married. She’s in love with someone else. She doesn’t want Gray anymore. But I do.
I have for so long. I would keep him forever, but if I can only have one night…
I slip my arms around his neck, mold myself to him. I take the chance I’ve wanted to take for far too long. “You want to touch me, Gray? You want to kiss me? Or maybe you want to fuck me? I could be your dirty little secret and you could be mine. Have you ever thought about it?”
Of course he hasn’t. Because he was Indy’s, and he was true. There was never any looking at anyone else--
His breath hitches.
“I am now.” His eyelids grow heavy over darkened irises.
“You want to check out my nipple piercings?” I tease as my heart beats erratically. Cavolo. Wow. Am I really being this bold? “Tug on them with your teeth?”
“Fuck, Rica.” He crowds me back against the tiled side, pressing his hard body against mine. His hands scrape my hair back from my face and tangle roughly in my braids.
Holy shit. He’s touching me like he wants me. This is really happening.
“One time, Gray.” I search out his mouth, because damn it, I’ve wanted to nibble on that bottom lip since I was fourteen years old. Why shouldn’t I get to experience him one time? Why shouldn’t I be allowed to enjoy the man that I have secretly loved, now that my best friend doesn’t want him anymore? If he wants this too and Indy never finds out…
He deepens the kiss. His tongue slides between my teeth to hungrily taste the soft curves of my mouth while his thumb finds the metal pierced through my nipple and grazes over the sensitive spot.
A flood of heat makes my insides clench, and a moan escapes my throat. It spurs him to tug the cup of my bra down, exposing me to the air and anyone who might stumble upon us. But then his mouth covers my nipple, his tongue flicking the little ring around.
I want to climb him. One hand wrapped around his head to hold his mouth to my breast, I use the other to tug at his boxer briefs and wiggle my hand inside to wrap around his cock.
He groans as I slide my hand up and down his length. The reverberation is lovely against my flesh. “Filthy little Rica. You want cock so bad that you can’t let me enjoy your luscious breasts first? You know I’m going to taste you before I fuck you, right? I want your pussy grinding down on my tongue.”
“Holy shit.” I inhale so hard I almost choke on it as a party no doubt returning from the nightclubs breaks into our private moment.
“Not here.” He fixes my bra and lifts me up on the edge of the pool. He pushes out of the water, offers me his hand. “Come on.”
We leave our empty glasses, bundle up our clothes, and run inside. Stopping to check that the reception desk is unmanned, we race through the foyer while dripping water everywhere.
By the time we get to the room we’re kissing again. Breathless, I cling to him as he opens the door. Somehow between there and the bed, I lose my bra.
He drags my panties off me as I crawl backward onto the mattress. He discards his boxers. Glorious baby Jesus, he looks better than he ever was in my fantasies. Tall and tapered, he still has an athletes body. But it’s the predatory look on his face that claims all my attention as he bows over me. His lips blaze a trail down the center of my abdomen until they land over my clit. His knees hit the floor and he touches it with his tongue and all I want is more.
More of the way he circles and teases. More of his tongue digging into my entrance. He reaches up to play with my nipple ring while he goes down on me, and my clit throbs.
“Gray.” I whimper. I’m getting close to an orgasm. It’s right there. I’m on the edge. He is a sight to behold between my thighs. His pale hair against my brown flesh. The way he watches me as he eats is erotic.
He keeps up the tempo, his tongue on my pussy, bringing my orgasm to its climax and making my inner walls pulse. “Oh God.”
When he stops, he crawls up my body, drags one of my knees up to his hip and enters me.
“Oh yes.” I gasp and cling to him as he rolls his hips, digging in deeper with every stroke.
“Fuck, Rica. You feel so…” He grunts and groans as he pistons his hips.
I’m already so sensitive. Every stroke, every slow grind of his hips feels so good. And the way he shortens my name, making it more affectionate… It’s not long before another orgasm is taking over my nerve endings and tunnelling my vision.
“Christ. Your pussy is so fucking greedy,” Gray whispers. His damp forehead lowers to mine as his own release triggers in the midst of my own. “I’m going to fill you so fucking full, you dirty little flirt.”
I cry out at the heated sensation of his cum filling me right before he collapses on top of me. Shit. We didn’t use a condom. But then I’m on the pill, and it’s Gray so it’ll be fine.
“You…” His lips trail over my neck before he rolls to the side. “You are something else, Rica.”
Oh my God! I just had sex with Gray. My entire body is blissed out. My chest is buoyant and giddy. “That was…”
All of my wishes come true. Well, almost all of them.
He wraps his arm around my neck and pulls the sheet over us before I can ask if one of us should move to another bed. It’s comfortable being hugged up to his side, and the mattress is soft and so inviting. And EJ isn’t back yet, so what’s the harm in a little after-sex snuggling? In pretending that this could be us from here on out.
His breathing smooths out, the warmth of it stirs the little hairs at my nape as my eyelids flutter shut.
Chapter Five - Gray
I love the way Indy feels spooned in my arms. Her body is hot from being cuddled up against mine. The curve of her hip is under my palm. The soft shift every time she takes a breath and exhales is so peaceful. The soles of both her feet are pressed to my shin.
Brr.
My lips curve up against her shoulder. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life like this. Loving her will never get old. We’ll fight for our future, and everything will be fine.
Brr.
I press my lips to the warm skin of her shoulder as I languidly move my hand from her hip to her belly. She moans as my fingers caress lower and lower. I don’t want to wake her up. She needs her rest, especially after last night.
“No wonder you’re not answering your phone.” EJ’s voice so close to my ear, as low as it is, snaps me out of that one moment of the day when my life has not gone to complete shit. “America? Seriously?”
I open my eyes faster than I’ve ever opened them in my life. I wasn’t completely dreaming about the woman in my arms. My hand is on the lower part of her belly, but it’s not Indy’s familiar soap that I smell. And it’s not her coppery locks or pale skin that I see. Because I will never see those things again.
She sleeps next to him now. That asshole who stole her away from me. He’s the one whose heart gets to hold her. He’s the one who cared for her while she recovered from surgery.
It was supposed to be me.
My chest aches so much that I can barely breathe. The heat of my anger is like chronic heartburn. Acidic and bitter. My jaw clenches so tightly, the bone would probably snap under the slightest pressure.
The girl in my arms sighs in her sleep and it all comes flooding back in. Running into America. Being so awkward we could barely converse. Making fun of EJ and her friend’s inability to keep their hands to themselves. Coming back to the hotel. The swimming pool. Her taste on my tongue. “Fuck.”
“Fuck is right,” EJ says, still talking low enough that it shouldn’t wake her. “I know you’re angry and hurting, but that’s Indy’s best friend. What were you thinking?”
I was thinking… fuck. I wasn’t thinking.
I extricate my tangled limbs from America and the sheet as slowly and carefully as I can. She doesn’t need to wake up to EJ hovering next to the bed. I grab my boxers from the floor and then discard them since they’re still wet from our swim.
Snagging my jeans I put them on instead while EJ waits with folded arms and a stern expression that is eerily similar to his dad’s. I’m not going to tell him that right now though.
Picking up my shirt, I indicate we should move to the balcony to continue this conversation.
He follows me out. “Go on then. Explain.”
“We were drunk.” And I was lonely and sick of hurting. “One thing led to another. A little like you and America’s friend. I’m surprised you’re here actually.”
“You’re not changing the subject,” he says. “We’re talking about America. And you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I get why you don’t want to go back to your normal life right now. And why you can’t bear to be around my sister. I don’t blame you for wanting to fuck your way through Europe, or whatever it is you’ve been doing these past few months.”
I haven’t slept with anyone since Indy, until last night. But I don’t tell him that. It would probably make things worse, and it’s not really anyone’s business.
“But America is Indy’s best friend. She’s supposed to be your friend. Fucking her to get back at my sister…” He shakes his head.
“That’s not what this was.” I grit my teeth. His sister is the one who had an affair… she is the one who left me… I am not the asshole here.
“Isn’t it?” He raises his brow. “Of all the women in the club last night you slept with Indy’s best friend. You do realize how screwed up that is. Unless… Do you like America?”
“As a friend.” Button done on my pants, I tug the Henley over my head and smooth it down.
“And as more?” he specifies.
“No. Not at all.” Am I attracted to her? I certainly was last night. She is gorgeous. Smart. Incredibly fun to be around. I collapse onto the wrought iron seat I pulled up to the balcony last night. But in the light of a sun barely crossing the horizon… I am angry. I am in pain. And I did sleep with the one woman I probably really shouldn’t.
There’s a good chance that his opinion holds some weight. That I inadvertently used America. Not as a way to get back at Indy for leaving me. America doesn’t deserve that. But as a way to forget Indy. America doesn’t deserve that either, but I wasn’t thinking so clearly last night. “Maybe you’re right. It’s been months and it hasn’t gotten easier. I don’t think it ever will.”
“Sure it will,” he says. “And then you’ll come back to Chicago and settle back into real life. You’ll meet someone new. And you’ll find a way to be happy again.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Indy broke me. There’s nothing but scar tissue left. I don’t want anyone else. I can’t imagine a future without her in it, let alone with somebody else.
“It will be. In time,” he says. “As long as it isn’t with America.”
“It won’t be America.” Having a few too many drinks and a one-night stand with her is one thing, but she deserves something real, and I can’t give her that. I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. “I could never date her.”
“Careful,” EJ growls, as protective of America as he would be if she were really his sister.
She’s my friend so I understand the desire to protect her too. When she told me about that bastard of a professor I could barely keep from bunching my fists and pounding one into the little iron table. “What happened last night was an unfortunate lack of judgement on my part. But we’re both adults and I’m sure that we both know what this was. It will never happen again.”
EJ nods as though satisfied. Yawns. “I’m going to grab a couple hours sleep.”
Once he goes to his room, via mine, I find myself unable to go inside. America is most likely still curled up in my bed, sleeping.
Having her back in my life… joking around… talking about all the things we’ve missed these last few months was nice, but now it’s complicated again. What happened last night was a huge mistake. It should never have happened. The best thing I can do is make sure that she and I are on the same page about this.
She’s dressed and searching frantically under the bed when I enter the room. She barely stops when she notices me.
“Everything okay?” I glance around for a condom. I can’t remember wrapping up but I know I would have used one, although I didn’t pack any. But EJ did, so I probably grabbed one from him.
“Sure.” She sits back on her heels. “I can’t find my shoes.”
“They might still be down by the pool.” I’ll probably be able to see them from the balcony if they are. But the condom I hoped we used seems like wishful thinking.
Shit. How could I be so careless?
“Oh. Right.” Her face falls as she stares at her hands in her lap. Standing, she finds her clutch. “I need to go. I’ll collect them on my way out.”
“America?”
“Can we please pretend like last night never happened?” A flash of emotion disappears behind bright eyes.
She’s embarrassed? Regretting how we behaved? “I don’t think we can. We didn’t use a condom, and I—"
“I’m on the pill, Gray. You have nothing to worry about.” She rolls her eyes. “So let’s put it behind us. It never happened.”
“I think that’s for the best.” What else is there to say? It’s all fucking awkward.
She takes out her phone, probably checking to see if her friend has reached out. “Great. We’re on the same page then. I have to go.”
“You should have my new number.”
“You changed it?” That gets her attention. She does something on her phone. “What is it?”
I rattle the number off and she enters it into her device before slipping it back into her clutch.
“I’ll text you,” I say. “You text me too. Tell me all about what you decide to do now that you’re not going to school. I want to hear about what you’re up to. I want to be able to call you and talk to you. I want to be your friend again. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
Not because we fell into bed or because of her best friend. It can be simple. I enjoy her company. Our conversations. And I’m not going to be awkward about that.
Her lips part and then she rubs them together. She walks to the door. “I’ll text you then.”
I hold the door open for her. Last night was a mistake, but keeping in contact isn’t. “I look forward to it.”
Brr.
My lips curve up against her shoulder. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life like this. Loving her will never get old. We’ll fight for our future, and everything will be fine.
Brr.
I press my lips to the warm skin of her shoulder as I languidly move my hand from her hip to her belly. She moans as my fingers caress lower and lower. I don’t want to wake her up. She needs her rest, especially after last night.
“No wonder you’re not answering your phone.” EJ’s voice so close to my ear, as low as it is, snaps me out of that one moment of the day when my life has not gone to complete shit. “America? Seriously?”
I open my eyes faster than I’ve ever opened them in my life. I wasn’t completely dreaming about the woman in my arms. My hand is on the lower part of her belly, but it’s not Indy’s familiar soap that I smell. And it’s not her coppery locks or pale skin that I see. Because I will never see those things again.
She sleeps next to him now. That asshole who stole her away from me. He’s the one whose heart gets to hold her. He’s the one who cared for her while she recovered from surgery.
It was supposed to be me.
My chest aches so much that I can barely breathe. The heat of my anger is like chronic heartburn. Acidic and bitter. My jaw clenches so tightly, the bone would probably snap under the slightest pressure.
The girl in my arms sighs in her sleep and it all comes flooding back in. Running into America. Being so awkward we could barely converse. Making fun of EJ and her friend’s inability to keep their hands to themselves. Coming back to the hotel. The swimming pool. Her taste on my tongue. “Fuck.”
“Fuck is right,” EJ says, still talking low enough that it shouldn’t wake her. “I know you’re angry and hurting, but that’s Indy’s best friend. What were you thinking?”
I was thinking… fuck. I wasn’t thinking.
I extricate my tangled limbs from America and the sheet as slowly and carefully as I can. She doesn’t need to wake up to EJ hovering next to the bed. I grab my boxers from the floor and then discard them since they’re still wet from our swim.
Snagging my jeans I put them on instead while EJ waits with folded arms and a stern expression that is eerily similar to his dad’s. I’m not going to tell him that right now though.
Picking up my shirt, I indicate we should move to the balcony to continue this conversation.
He follows me out. “Go on then. Explain.”
“We were drunk.” And I was lonely and sick of hurting. “One thing led to another. A little like you and America’s friend. I’m surprised you’re here actually.”
“You’re not changing the subject,” he says. “We’re talking about America. And you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I get why you don’t want to go back to your normal life right now. And why you can’t bear to be around my sister. I don’t blame you for wanting to fuck your way through Europe, or whatever it is you’ve been doing these past few months.”
I haven’t slept with anyone since Indy, until last night. But I don’t tell him that. It would probably make things worse, and it’s not really anyone’s business.
“But America is Indy’s best friend. She’s supposed to be your friend. Fucking her to get back at my sister…” He shakes his head.
“That’s not what this was.” I grit my teeth. His sister is the one who had an affair… she is the one who left me… I am not the asshole here.
“Isn’t it?” He raises his brow. “Of all the women in the club last night you slept with Indy’s best friend. You do realize how screwed up that is. Unless… Do you like America?”
“As a friend.” Button done on my pants, I tug the Henley over my head and smooth it down.
“And as more?” he specifies.
“No. Not at all.” Am I attracted to her? I certainly was last night. She is gorgeous. Smart. Incredibly fun to be around. I collapse onto the wrought iron seat I pulled up to the balcony last night. But in the light of a sun barely crossing the horizon… I am angry. I am in pain. And I did sleep with the one woman I probably really shouldn’t.
There’s a good chance that his opinion holds some weight. That I inadvertently used America. Not as a way to get back at Indy for leaving me. America doesn’t deserve that. But as a way to forget Indy. America doesn’t deserve that either, but I wasn’t thinking so clearly last night. “Maybe you’re right. It’s been months and it hasn’t gotten easier. I don’t think it ever will.”
“Sure it will,” he says. “And then you’ll come back to Chicago and settle back into real life. You’ll meet someone new. And you’ll find a way to be happy again.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Indy broke me. There’s nothing but scar tissue left. I don’t want anyone else. I can’t imagine a future without her in it, let alone with somebody else.
“It will be. In time,” he says. “As long as it isn’t with America.”
“It won’t be America.” Having a few too many drinks and a one-night stand with her is one thing, but she deserves something real, and I can’t give her that. I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. “I could never date her.”
“Careful,” EJ growls, as protective of America as he would be if she were really his sister.
She’s my friend so I understand the desire to protect her too. When she told me about that bastard of a professor I could barely keep from bunching my fists and pounding one into the little iron table. “What happened last night was an unfortunate lack of judgement on my part. But we’re both adults and I’m sure that we both know what this was. It will never happen again.”
EJ nods as though satisfied. Yawns. “I’m going to grab a couple hours sleep.”
Once he goes to his room, via mine, I find myself unable to go inside. America is most likely still curled up in my bed, sleeping.
Having her back in my life… joking around… talking about all the things we’ve missed these last few months was nice, but now it’s complicated again. What happened last night was a huge mistake. It should never have happened. The best thing I can do is make sure that she and I are on the same page about this.
She’s dressed and searching frantically under the bed when I enter the room. She barely stops when she notices me.
“Everything okay?” I glance around for a condom. I can’t remember wrapping up but I know I would have used one, although I didn’t pack any. But EJ did, so I probably grabbed one from him.
“Sure.” She sits back on her heels. “I can’t find my shoes.”
“They might still be down by the pool.” I’ll probably be able to see them from the balcony if they are. But the condom I hoped we used seems like wishful thinking.
Shit. How could I be so careless?
“Oh. Right.” Her face falls as she stares at her hands in her lap. Standing, she finds her clutch. “I need to go. I’ll collect them on my way out.”
“America?”
“Can we please pretend like last night never happened?” A flash of emotion disappears behind bright eyes.
She’s embarrassed? Regretting how we behaved? “I don’t think we can. We didn’t use a condom, and I—"
“I’m on the pill, Gray. You have nothing to worry about.” She rolls her eyes. “So let’s put it behind us. It never happened.”
“I think that’s for the best.” What else is there to say? It’s all fucking awkward.
She takes out her phone, probably checking to see if her friend has reached out. “Great. We’re on the same page then. I have to go.”
“You should have my new number.”
“You changed it?” That gets her attention. She does something on her phone. “What is it?”
I rattle the number off and she enters it into her device before slipping it back into her clutch.
“I’ll text you,” I say. “You text me too. Tell me all about what you decide to do now that you’re not going to school. I want to hear about what you’re up to. I want to be able to call you and talk to you. I want to be your friend again. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
Not because we fell into bed or because of her best friend. It can be simple. I enjoy her company. Our conversations. And I’m not going to be awkward about that.
Her lips part and then she rubs them together. She walks to the door. “I’ll text you then.”
I hold the door open for her. Last night was a mistake, but keeping in contact isn’t. “I look forward to it.”
Chapter Six - America
“Is she ready?” Everett’s voice reaches me inside my closet where I’m picking out an outfit for tonight. I’m debating between a gold dress with ruffles that looks lush against my dark complexion and a jewel toned purple jumpsuit that happens to be a personal favorite.
“Is she ever?” Dove responds with a voice full of cheekiness.
Everett chuckles. “All the best things are worth waiting for.”
“Boy, you know all the right things to say, don’t you?” Dove’s voice grows louder as they walk toward my room. Her tone implies a hint of the eyeroll she’s most likely aiming at his broad back. “America, your date is here.”
“Just in time.” I pop my head out of the closet, a big smile plastered to my already made-up face. “You can help me choose what to wear.”
“That,” Everett says, staring slack jawed at me in my blush-colored lingerie. He places a hand over his heart as his eyes drink in the crisscrossed lace from bra to panties and the tiny garter belt, suspenders, and stockings. “I could die a happy man right here and now, Lucky Charm.”
“Please don’t,” Dove says dryly. “I don’t know how to get dead man out of the carpet. We won’t get back our deposit. Plus what would we tell the Cardinals’ management if their favorite player kicked the bucket instead of a goal?”
I narrow my gaze at my friend as I cross the bedroom to hug the man I’ve been dating for a few weeks now. The star soccer player walked into Beans-A-Plenty and while I made him an espresso, he decided he wanted me enough to come in every day until I said yes to dinner.
That dinner led to dinner every night, except for game nights. All of which the Cardinals have won since we met. He calls me his Lucky Charm because he says with me he can’t put a foot wrong.
That’s why he wants me at this dinner meeting, even though we’ve been keeping our relationship on the downlow. So far we’ve been successful at keeping it out of the media. I haven’t met his teammates or their WAGS yet. But I like it that way. I like this intimate bubble we’ve been enjoying. “A little privacy please, babe.”
“I need to go to the studio anyway.” Dove makes a face like she’d prefer to do anything else, probably because she’s been putting in insane hours on this new album. “Nathan thinks track three needs a redo.”
“Oh.” I pout. “That’s the happy, sunshine one, isn’t it? I loved this version.”
“Yeah, I loved it too.” Her expression is pinched.
She hasn’t been okay since we came back from our trip three months ago. There seems to be this dark cloud over her all the time.
On the other hand, there haven’t been any more bruises since we came home from Positano. No fingerprints on her flesh. None that I’ve seen at least. Just exhaustion.
She’s so tired the bags under her eyes have dark purple bags of their own. Her voice is getting more strained by the day. Nathan is literally draining the fun out of her like some kind of energy sucking vampire.
Every time I bring up how bone-weary and unhappy she seems, she tells me she’s fine. That when the album is done, she’ll be her usual self. But she’s passionate about music, and the things that we’re passionate about shouldn’t be taking this kind of toll.
When I asked why she keeps letting Nathan boss her around like he does, she told me he knows what he’s doing and that he’s pushing her to make the best album she can. It’s what she wants, so I should leave it alone.
I don’t know that much about music production beyond what I’ve learned living with her. But it seems like there’s something more to it with the way she stares off into space sometimes. Like that trip to Positano caused more trouble than it was worth.
That weekend seems to have left an indelible mark on my soul too. I don’t know if it was more painful to love Gray without hope, or to still have these emotions and a whole lotta regret too. I swallow the bitterness back.
“You are so beautiful.” Everett kisses my cheek. His lips caress the spot where my neck and shoulder meet while his hands smooth over my ass and bring me closer. “Sexy.”
“And on that note, I am so out.” Dove turns tail and leaves us to it.
“Kinda wishing I could cancel this dinner. Order some takeout and spend all evening in your bed,” Everett says, chasing away any thoughts besides how nice that would be.
“That sounds like heaven.” I take his jaw between my hands and bring his focus to my face. “But you made this meeting sound important.”
He groans and his grip on my ass slackens. “It could be. It could unlock a lot of opportunities that I haven’t had access to. There’s the possibility of a move stateside. I know you’re considering going home at some point.”
“Perhaps.” I smooth my hands over his shirt, his chest hard under the material. I’m not comfortable with him making such a monumental choice based on me. “It’s too soon to be planning your future around us, isn’t it? When we’re just having fun.”
“We’re good together, aren’t we? You like me, right?”
“I do, but—”
“I adore you, Lucky Charm.” He hugs me to his chest.
“But what if we find out it doesn’t work? I’m not a relationship type of girl.” I gave away my heart too young. To a man who could never want it. Love isn’t something that’s come to me a second time. I don’t know if it will, but with Everett it at least feels like a possibility. “Please don’t plan a move because you think it’ll make me happy. What we have is far too new for that.”
“All right. I won’t.” He stares into my eyes. “How about I make it based on the fact that every year the UK brings in more foreign players and discards UK players, while America is recruiting UK talent and paying us well to play? Or that it would be cool to live in the US for a while.”
“That makes sense.”
“And because the girl I’m casually having fun with right now will eventually fall for me. I want to be prepared when that girl wants to move home.” He grins boyishly. It’s charming and a little cocky, like to him we’re a done deal.
“Everett.” I scowl at him.
Taking my face between both hands, he turns solemn. “Trust me. I get it. I promise I’ve been thinking about a move for some time now.”
“Okay.” I’m not there yet. I don’t know what my future looks like. I don’t know what I’m going to do career wise. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell my parents that I’m no longer attending classes. But I do know I need to stop thinking about a man who wouldn’t date me if I was the last girl in the world, when I have one who is already imagining me as part of his future. “Help me pick out what to wear?”
He takes my hand and draws me back into the closet. “Show me my options.”
“This gold one.” I hold up the lush ruffles and then the purple jumpsuit. “Or this one.”
He wets his lips and reaches for the gold one. “This one. I like the idea of being able to slide my hand up your bare thigh in the car.”
His words spread like warmth through my belly.
“The gold it is.” I peel the dress from the hanger and slide it on over my head, shimmying it down around my curves.
As Everett zips me up my phone chirps from where I carelessly tossed it on the bed when I first came in. It’s probably Indy. We text back and forth all day, every day. Sometimes she messages me in the middle of her night, depending on whether Theo is working a late shift at the club. Today he must be on an early shift.
I pick out cute gold heels and a nice warm coat for the drive to the restaurant. Draping the coat over my arm, I open up my favorite clutch to add my phone and cards. I check my messages while I’m doing that. The text from Indy is a photo of her and Theo at the bar and is captioned… wish you were here.
I text her back.
America: I wish I was there too.
I miss my friend. And Theo has grown on me. He’s a good guy. He makes her incredibly happy. I miss my parents. And my aunt and uncle and EJ.
The second message is from Gray.
I miss him too. So much so that my heart skips a beat and my stomach bottoms out as I stare at the notification. But I’m unable to bring myself to open it so I can read the whole thing. What he and EJ said that morning in Positano still stings too much.
I would never have crossed his mind if he hadn’t wanted to get back at my best friend. Asshole. I swipe away the notification.
He wasn’t the only asshole that night. I screwed my best friend’s ex when I know she still cares deeply for him. She might have moved on, but that doesn’t make what I did any less wrong, when I know she would have feelings about it.
I put my phone in my bag. I thought he would get the message that we’re not friends when I didn’t respond to any of his previous texts, so why is he messaging me again?
“Are you ready?” Everett is waiting for me.
“Yes.” I snap the top of my clutch shut and allow him to help me with my coat. “What restaurant are we going to?”
“Bambinos,” he says as I close the flat door.
Bambino’s is as posh and elegant as expected, filled with lots of crystal and glass and people in far more expensive dresses and suits than my gold dress from the high street stores. I check my coat before we’re ushered through the candle glow and quiet chatter.
“Lucky Charm, I hope you’re ready to work your magic,” Everett says over his shoulder while he squeezes my hand. “If this guy is half as good as he says he is, the stratosphere is the limit for us.”
The restaurant manager steps to the side so that I can take my chair as the man Everett is meeting rises to his feet.
My heart stops for a moment as Gray’s eyes lock on mine from across the table. Then it starts booming in my ears. I swear he says my name, but I can’t be certain over the din of cutlery against plates and the clinking of wine glasses and the memory of him telling EJ that he could never date me. I was only a moment where he got to forget that the love of his life broke his heart. I thought it would be enough…
His gaze moves to Everett, as Everett eagerly lunges forward to shake his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person. This is my girlfriend, America.”
We’ve never had that conversation. It’s too soon for labels, though I like him more than anyone else I’ve ever dated. I certainly like him more than the man whose hand he’s currently pumping. But girlfriend? Girlfriend! I thought I was clear that I’m not ready to commit to something serious.
Gray’s questioning gaze crashes back to mine. He raises a brow. “Is that so?”
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Everett warms up to the subject of me, a big grin breaking on his face.
I want to roll my eyes at his comment, which makes me feel like some kind of trophy. But Gray’s expression becomes more pinched, and I don’t hate that.
“Wicked smart too.” Everett continues to extoll my virtues.
“He knows,” I say at the same time Gray says, “I know.”
Everett frowns, finally reading the room. “You two know each other?”
“We’re friends,” Gray says.
“He’s my best friend’s ex,” I say at the same time, sounding a teensy bit bitter.
Everett’s grin falls. He wraps his hands around my upper arms and uses his wide back to shield me from Gray so that he can ask, “Is this going to be a problem?”
I study the gorgeous man in front of me, his usually happy-go-lucky expression suddenly far too serious for me to be comfortable. He thinks I’m upset about Gray and Indy’s break up, and I let him. He called me his girlfriend, but I'm not sure I’m ready to be. I’m also not ready to tell him that I was in love with Gray for years and years.
I glance at Gray around Everett’s shoulder. He was the best agent at his company back home. He’s good at what he does. And he doesn’t seem to have noticed that I wouldn’t mind stabbing him with one of the many forks on the table.
If he’s back in the game, he’s exactly who Everett should sign with. I can’t let my personal problems get in the way of that, especially when I don’t know if what Everett and I have will last the distance. “No. He’s the best. You want him on your team.”
“All right. Let’s sit down and hear him out then, yeah?”
I take a deep cleansing breath. I won’t ruin this for Everett. “Yes.”
He pulls a chair out for me to sit.
“You look good, America,” Gray says as Everett takes a seat next to me. “What has it been since the last time we caught up? Four months?”
“Three.” I narrow my gaze. Surely, he knows.
“Damn. I should have realized that.” He stares me down. “I promised I’d be a better friend, didn’t I? But I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to keep up with everyone. I swear EJ is going to kill me if I don’t message him back soon.”
“Sounds like EJ.” We are so not talking about EJ. He’s reminding me of all the text messages he sent that I haven’t responded to. I turn to Everett who is watching the bouncing ball between us with questions burning in his eyes. “EJ is my cousin and Gray’s best friend. We’re all a bit close knit.”
“Some would say as close as family,” Gray says.
“Well, I’m glad to have met someone America classifies as family.” Everett places his hand on my knee.
“Shall we get down to business?” I straighten the cutlery.
“We can put that on the backburner if you two want to catch up instead,” Everett says.
“Trust me, that’s not necessary.” I lean over and kiss his cheek and Gray’s eyes darken with his scowl. “We’re here to talk about you. Which you know is my favorite subject.”
“You’re twisting my arm.” Everett chuckles before turning to Gray. “Talk to me, Grayson Ford. Tell me what you’re going to do for me.”
They talk in detail about what Gray can do for Everett. From sponsorships to helping him land a spot on a team in the States. I sit there like a good WAG, growing more irritated every time Gray’s focus drifts to me. Each time it does, he seems to get more agitated too.
“There are plenty of teams looking to bring in international talent,” Gray tells Everett while I prod the perfectly cooked piece of salmon on my plate. “Something wrong with the fish?”
“Nope.” Only the way he keeps staring at me like he wants to say something, when he said everything there was to say to EJ that morning. Then he makes a dig at me because I choose to ignore his texts? The nerve.
“Are you sure?” Everett asks. “I can order you something else.”
Gray raises his hand and gestures to the waiter. “Can you bring us a menu? The fish is subpar. We’d like to order something else.”
“It’s not the fish,” I say, trying so hard not to give away how angry and upset I really am while Gray acts like he has no clue why.
“The salad then?” Gray says.
“It’s not the food.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Everett asks at the same time Gray says, “Then what is it?”
“If you’ll excuse me.” I rise, pushing my chair back and picking up my clutch. I bend to kiss Everett’s cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
I cannot walk away from the table, and Gray, fast enough. The bathroom is empty when I enter, and I take a few breaths while I wash my hands.
I don’t know what I expected seeing him again would be like, but I did think he would be less concerned with my lack of communication. More aloof. I figured I would be able to handle it better than this.
The door crashes inward and Gray stalks into the bathroom. “What the hell, America?”
“Is she ever?” Dove responds with a voice full of cheekiness.
Everett chuckles. “All the best things are worth waiting for.”
“Boy, you know all the right things to say, don’t you?” Dove’s voice grows louder as they walk toward my room. Her tone implies a hint of the eyeroll she’s most likely aiming at his broad back. “America, your date is here.”
“Just in time.” I pop my head out of the closet, a big smile plastered to my already made-up face. “You can help me choose what to wear.”
“That,” Everett says, staring slack jawed at me in my blush-colored lingerie. He places a hand over his heart as his eyes drink in the crisscrossed lace from bra to panties and the tiny garter belt, suspenders, and stockings. “I could die a happy man right here and now, Lucky Charm.”
“Please don’t,” Dove says dryly. “I don’t know how to get dead man out of the carpet. We won’t get back our deposit. Plus what would we tell the Cardinals’ management if their favorite player kicked the bucket instead of a goal?”
I narrow my gaze at my friend as I cross the bedroom to hug the man I’ve been dating for a few weeks now. The star soccer player walked into Beans-A-Plenty and while I made him an espresso, he decided he wanted me enough to come in every day until I said yes to dinner.
That dinner led to dinner every night, except for game nights. All of which the Cardinals have won since we met. He calls me his Lucky Charm because he says with me he can’t put a foot wrong.
That’s why he wants me at this dinner meeting, even though we’ve been keeping our relationship on the downlow. So far we’ve been successful at keeping it out of the media. I haven’t met his teammates or their WAGS yet. But I like it that way. I like this intimate bubble we’ve been enjoying. “A little privacy please, babe.”
“I need to go to the studio anyway.” Dove makes a face like she’d prefer to do anything else, probably because she’s been putting in insane hours on this new album. “Nathan thinks track three needs a redo.”
“Oh.” I pout. “That’s the happy, sunshine one, isn’t it? I loved this version.”
“Yeah, I loved it too.” Her expression is pinched.
She hasn’t been okay since we came back from our trip three months ago. There seems to be this dark cloud over her all the time.
On the other hand, there haven’t been any more bruises since we came home from Positano. No fingerprints on her flesh. None that I’ve seen at least. Just exhaustion.
She’s so tired the bags under her eyes have dark purple bags of their own. Her voice is getting more strained by the day. Nathan is literally draining the fun out of her like some kind of energy sucking vampire.
Every time I bring up how bone-weary and unhappy she seems, she tells me she’s fine. That when the album is done, she’ll be her usual self. But she’s passionate about music, and the things that we’re passionate about shouldn’t be taking this kind of toll.
When I asked why she keeps letting Nathan boss her around like he does, she told me he knows what he’s doing and that he’s pushing her to make the best album she can. It’s what she wants, so I should leave it alone.
I don’t know that much about music production beyond what I’ve learned living with her. But it seems like there’s something more to it with the way she stares off into space sometimes. Like that trip to Positano caused more trouble than it was worth.
That weekend seems to have left an indelible mark on my soul too. I don’t know if it was more painful to love Gray without hope, or to still have these emotions and a whole lotta regret too. I swallow the bitterness back.
“You are so beautiful.” Everett kisses my cheek. His lips caress the spot where my neck and shoulder meet while his hands smooth over my ass and bring me closer. “Sexy.”
“And on that note, I am so out.” Dove turns tail and leaves us to it.
“Kinda wishing I could cancel this dinner. Order some takeout and spend all evening in your bed,” Everett says, chasing away any thoughts besides how nice that would be.
“That sounds like heaven.” I take his jaw between my hands and bring his focus to my face. “But you made this meeting sound important.”
He groans and his grip on my ass slackens. “It could be. It could unlock a lot of opportunities that I haven’t had access to. There’s the possibility of a move stateside. I know you’re considering going home at some point.”
“Perhaps.” I smooth my hands over his shirt, his chest hard under the material. I’m not comfortable with him making such a monumental choice based on me. “It’s too soon to be planning your future around us, isn’t it? When we’re just having fun.”
“We’re good together, aren’t we? You like me, right?”
“I do, but—”
“I adore you, Lucky Charm.” He hugs me to his chest.
“But what if we find out it doesn’t work? I’m not a relationship type of girl.” I gave away my heart too young. To a man who could never want it. Love isn’t something that’s come to me a second time. I don’t know if it will, but with Everett it at least feels like a possibility. “Please don’t plan a move because you think it’ll make me happy. What we have is far too new for that.”
“All right. I won’t.” He stares into my eyes. “How about I make it based on the fact that every year the UK brings in more foreign players and discards UK players, while America is recruiting UK talent and paying us well to play? Or that it would be cool to live in the US for a while.”
“That makes sense.”
“And because the girl I’m casually having fun with right now will eventually fall for me. I want to be prepared when that girl wants to move home.” He grins boyishly. It’s charming and a little cocky, like to him we’re a done deal.
“Everett.” I scowl at him.
Taking my face between both hands, he turns solemn. “Trust me. I get it. I promise I’ve been thinking about a move for some time now.”
“Okay.” I’m not there yet. I don’t know what my future looks like. I don’t know what I’m going to do career wise. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell my parents that I’m no longer attending classes. But I do know I need to stop thinking about a man who wouldn’t date me if I was the last girl in the world, when I have one who is already imagining me as part of his future. “Help me pick out what to wear?”
He takes my hand and draws me back into the closet. “Show me my options.”
“This gold one.” I hold up the lush ruffles and then the purple jumpsuit. “Or this one.”
He wets his lips and reaches for the gold one. “This one. I like the idea of being able to slide my hand up your bare thigh in the car.”
His words spread like warmth through my belly.
“The gold it is.” I peel the dress from the hanger and slide it on over my head, shimmying it down around my curves.
As Everett zips me up my phone chirps from where I carelessly tossed it on the bed when I first came in. It’s probably Indy. We text back and forth all day, every day. Sometimes she messages me in the middle of her night, depending on whether Theo is working a late shift at the club. Today he must be on an early shift.
I pick out cute gold heels and a nice warm coat for the drive to the restaurant. Draping the coat over my arm, I open up my favorite clutch to add my phone and cards. I check my messages while I’m doing that. The text from Indy is a photo of her and Theo at the bar and is captioned… wish you were here.
I text her back.
America: I wish I was there too.
I miss my friend. And Theo has grown on me. He’s a good guy. He makes her incredibly happy. I miss my parents. And my aunt and uncle and EJ.
The second message is from Gray.
I miss him too. So much so that my heart skips a beat and my stomach bottoms out as I stare at the notification. But I’m unable to bring myself to open it so I can read the whole thing. What he and EJ said that morning in Positano still stings too much.
I would never have crossed his mind if he hadn’t wanted to get back at my best friend. Asshole. I swipe away the notification.
He wasn’t the only asshole that night. I screwed my best friend’s ex when I know she still cares deeply for him. She might have moved on, but that doesn’t make what I did any less wrong, when I know she would have feelings about it.
I put my phone in my bag. I thought he would get the message that we’re not friends when I didn’t respond to any of his previous texts, so why is he messaging me again?
“Are you ready?” Everett is waiting for me.
“Yes.” I snap the top of my clutch shut and allow him to help me with my coat. “What restaurant are we going to?”
“Bambinos,” he says as I close the flat door.
Bambino’s is as posh and elegant as expected, filled with lots of crystal and glass and people in far more expensive dresses and suits than my gold dress from the high street stores. I check my coat before we’re ushered through the candle glow and quiet chatter.
“Lucky Charm, I hope you’re ready to work your magic,” Everett says over his shoulder while he squeezes my hand. “If this guy is half as good as he says he is, the stratosphere is the limit for us.”
The restaurant manager steps to the side so that I can take my chair as the man Everett is meeting rises to his feet.
My heart stops for a moment as Gray’s eyes lock on mine from across the table. Then it starts booming in my ears. I swear he says my name, but I can’t be certain over the din of cutlery against plates and the clinking of wine glasses and the memory of him telling EJ that he could never date me. I was only a moment where he got to forget that the love of his life broke his heart. I thought it would be enough…
His gaze moves to Everett, as Everett eagerly lunges forward to shake his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person. This is my girlfriend, America.”
We’ve never had that conversation. It’s too soon for labels, though I like him more than anyone else I’ve ever dated. I certainly like him more than the man whose hand he’s currently pumping. But girlfriend? Girlfriend! I thought I was clear that I’m not ready to commit to something serious.
Gray’s questioning gaze crashes back to mine. He raises a brow. “Is that so?”
“Isn’t she beautiful?” Everett warms up to the subject of me, a big grin breaking on his face.
I want to roll my eyes at his comment, which makes me feel like some kind of trophy. But Gray’s expression becomes more pinched, and I don’t hate that.
“Wicked smart too.” Everett continues to extoll my virtues.
“He knows,” I say at the same time Gray says, “I know.”
Everett frowns, finally reading the room. “You two know each other?”
“We’re friends,” Gray says.
“He’s my best friend’s ex,” I say at the same time, sounding a teensy bit bitter.
Everett’s grin falls. He wraps his hands around my upper arms and uses his wide back to shield me from Gray so that he can ask, “Is this going to be a problem?”
I study the gorgeous man in front of me, his usually happy-go-lucky expression suddenly far too serious for me to be comfortable. He thinks I’m upset about Gray and Indy’s break up, and I let him. He called me his girlfriend, but I'm not sure I’m ready to be. I’m also not ready to tell him that I was in love with Gray for years and years.
I glance at Gray around Everett’s shoulder. He was the best agent at his company back home. He’s good at what he does. And he doesn’t seem to have noticed that I wouldn’t mind stabbing him with one of the many forks on the table.
If he’s back in the game, he’s exactly who Everett should sign with. I can’t let my personal problems get in the way of that, especially when I don’t know if what Everett and I have will last the distance. “No. He’s the best. You want him on your team.”
“All right. Let’s sit down and hear him out then, yeah?”
I take a deep cleansing breath. I won’t ruin this for Everett. “Yes.”
He pulls a chair out for me to sit.
“You look good, America,” Gray says as Everett takes a seat next to me. “What has it been since the last time we caught up? Four months?”
“Three.” I narrow my gaze. Surely, he knows.
“Damn. I should have realized that.” He stares me down. “I promised I’d be a better friend, didn’t I? But I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to keep up with everyone. I swear EJ is going to kill me if I don’t message him back soon.”
“Sounds like EJ.” We are so not talking about EJ. He’s reminding me of all the text messages he sent that I haven’t responded to. I turn to Everett who is watching the bouncing ball between us with questions burning in his eyes. “EJ is my cousin and Gray’s best friend. We’re all a bit close knit.”
“Some would say as close as family,” Gray says.
“Well, I’m glad to have met someone America classifies as family.” Everett places his hand on my knee.
“Shall we get down to business?” I straighten the cutlery.
“We can put that on the backburner if you two want to catch up instead,” Everett says.
“Trust me, that’s not necessary.” I lean over and kiss his cheek and Gray’s eyes darken with his scowl. “We’re here to talk about you. Which you know is my favorite subject.”
“You’re twisting my arm.” Everett chuckles before turning to Gray. “Talk to me, Grayson Ford. Tell me what you’re going to do for me.”
They talk in detail about what Gray can do for Everett. From sponsorships to helping him land a spot on a team in the States. I sit there like a good WAG, growing more irritated every time Gray’s focus drifts to me. Each time it does, he seems to get more agitated too.
“There are plenty of teams looking to bring in international talent,” Gray tells Everett while I prod the perfectly cooked piece of salmon on my plate. “Something wrong with the fish?”
“Nope.” Only the way he keeps staring at me like he wants to say something, when he said everything there was to say to EJ that morning. Then he makes a dig at me because I choose to ignore his texts? The nerve.
“Are you sure?” Everett asks. “I can order you something else.”
Gray raises his hand and gestures to the waiter. “Can you bring us a menu? The fish is subpar. We’d like to order something else.”
“It’s not the fish,” I say, trying so hard not to give away how angry and upset I really am while Gray acts like he has no clue why.
“The salad then?” Gray says.
“It’s not the food.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Everett asks at the same time Gray says, “Then what is it?”
“If you’ll excuse me.” I rise, pushing my chair back and picking up my clutch. I bend to kiss Everett’s cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
I cannot walk away from the table, and Gray, fast enough. The bathroom is empty when I enter, and I take a few breaths while I wash my hands.
I don’t know what I expected seeing him again would be like, but I did think he would be less concerned with my lack of communication. More aloof. I figured I would be able to handle it better than this.
The door crashes inward and Gray stalks into the bathroom. “What the hell, America?”